Fraught Nutty Neighbour calls from Manchester, where he’s supposedly having a naughty weekend away, moaning that local charity, the Lesbian & Gay Foundation, is now telling gay men who use the city centre’s famous canal for cruising activities that they are at risk - not only from potential homophobic robbery and assault, but from police arrest, following complaints by locals living and working in the area! Local cops claim that “the increase of activity is affecting people going about their everyday business.” Nutty says it’s put the dampeners on his entire trip - can’t wait to get back to manning his “hole”.

Lunch with sister Kerry, she still high after “brushing up against” Martina Navratilova at a recent Stonewall fundraising dinner. The 53-year old lesbian tennis legend – who came out in 1981 and retired in 2006 - went public about being diagnosed with breast cancer back in February and has since had a lumpectomy and undergone radiation therapy, saying her prognosis is excellent and urging other women to attend regular cancer screenings. Kerry says she’s now had everything womanly possible “smeared, scraped and squeezed”.

Fight shy of yet another Monday morning mews meet, full-knowing Birman-flanked Boss is about to dispatch present hands to all four corners, in the name of Pride - this month’s batch including everything from Torquay to Swansea. Karl ‘n Kev bear the brunt, warning me later by heated phone that it’ll be my turn in July, “when Prides really start to hot up”! Steering tad clear of lover-boy Paul too, after his recent unwanted “gift” – though now given the “all clear”, thank Gawd – so little Toby and I just enjoy a quiet boys’ day out down to Brighton instead… nice mid-week, before all schools break up.

Fun informal Circa meet at a cosmetic surgeon member’s in Balham – he drumming up quite a lot of business it seems, not just amongst the older guests. Josh ‘n Karl stand doting, aloof. Charlie, Boy ‘n Inge work the crowd for “custom”, with especial zeal it seems – perhaps aware that printed escort adverts, of the type carried in the back of some gay publications, could soon be banned, if some politicians get their way. The Newspaper Society launched a campaign to persuade newspaper groups to stop carrying prostitute adverts back in 2008 - but many still do. Advocates argue that publications that run such ads are profiting from prostitution – an activity that is, strictly-speaking, illegal, not to mention untaxed. Opponents claim that banning the ads could force escorts out onto the streets, and back into bars and clubs; or make their work scarcer and hence potentially more dangerous. Of course, loads of hustlers are simply heading online, beyond the proverbial “long arm”!

Interesting snippets flowing from a certain famous gay “television historian” present – well they all seem pretty gay to me! Says Count Laszlo de Almásy - the Hungarian-born adventurer who inspired the novel and Oscar-creaming film, The English Patient - had at least one gay Nazi lover, archive letters now suggest. The Count is the overtly-stated basis for the extremely bed-bound heterosexual hero played so brilliantly by Ralph Fiennes in the movie. But correspondence recently surfaced in Germany indicates that Almásy actually had a gay relationship with a Wehrmacht officer called Hans Entholt. Moreover, researchers say there is evidence the colourful explorer-cum-spy actually had several queer amours - including “Egyptian princes”. Interestingly, documents also show that Almásy did not die peacefully of a morphine overdose, as per book and film, but from amoebic dysentery in 1951 – alas accompanied by violent flatulence and diarrhoea!

Busy Switchboard stint. Thankfully, able to refer quite a few callers to some excellent freely-downloadable new guides Stonewall have produced – one aimed at victims of anti-gay hate crime (www.stonewall.org.uk/hatecrime/guide), explaining what it is, why it should be reported and what to say when reporting it; another aimed at LGB people facing housing issues (www.stonewall.org.uk/housing/guide), providing information about renting accommodation, tenants’ rights and what to do if you are at risk of becoming homeless.

Use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask whether certain jobs should only be open to gay people? Devon-based LGB charity, The Intercom Trust, has defended its decision to bar straight people from applying for a job involving answering a helpline. At least one member of the public has described its stance as “offensive”. Yet, it seems clear to me that the direct personal experience and reality of being gay is undoubtedly a highly useful and relevant qualification in such a post!

Amused pawing papers with Mous ‘n Cous one morn. Shock-horror; or merely stating the bleeding obvious? Father Gabriele Amorth – Catholic exorcist-in-chief for the past quarter of a century - says the Vatican harbours “cardinals who do not believe in Jesus and bishops linked to the Demon.” The outspoken 85-year old - who boasts having handled over 70,000 cases of demonic possession, and who counts the Pope amongst his fans - tells Italian media that the ongoing Catholic sex abuse scandal and the recent incident of a mentally unstable woman attacking Papa Pontiff are both signs that the Vatican had been infiltrated by the Horny One. “At times he mocks me,” says Amorth of his flaming Nemesis, before confessing “but I have to say I enjoy my work. When the possessed dribble and slobber, and need cleaning up, I do that too. Seeing people vomit doesn’t bother me.”

Take a break from it all, month end, in Switzerland’s southernmost canton, Italian-speaking Ticino – which offers a mild climate with vinyarded, bepalmed lakeside towns, beneath peaks soaring above 3000 metres; and history dating back to the Celts - via Romans, then renaissance – on to the 19th Century grand tourists, through to the present day: a harmonious fusion of Swiss efficiency and “La Dolce Vita”!

Nutty Neighbour pops round, all a-fluster. Tells me he’s been reading about some 19-year old gay US guy who had been blackmailing his straight male student colleagues to have sex with him, after first posing as a girl online to obtain their more “explicit” Facebook images; and who has subsequently agreed a plea bargain of “no contest” in court, in return for a more lenient sentence - and to spare his undeniably young red-blooded male victims red faces at having to testify in public! Nutty, who worships the cute young straight male, says he’s just starting e-posing as a female too - to devastating effect!

Son Toby and I join my latest beau Paul and his little Lucas, plus Kev ‘n Em ‘n not-so-little Sven, on the annual Stonewall Brighton Equality Walk (Sun 2 May). Hosted by L-word’s Guinevere Turner and playwright Rikki Beadle-Blair, it proves to be a fantastic family day out; and living proof – were it needed, given the hoards of cavorting nippers – that an all-gay species need hardly “die out”!

Fun informal Circa meet at our undertaker member’s in Putney - Josh ‘n Karl, Charlie ‘n Boy, plus Inge, all jostling for “generous” attentions, of which there is no dearth. Our screaming queen of a bishop’s giving a humorous sermon on how the wife of disgraced US pastor Ted Haggard now says that counselling has given her husband the “tools” to deal with his “gay urges”; and made their marriage “better than ever”. The mouthy American evangelist - a vocal opponent of gay marriage - was forced to resign leadership of his church in 2006, after allegations emerged of drug-fuelled orgies with escorts. Mrs Haggard – now doing the rounds to promote her new book, Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour – explains hubbie Ted’s problem - “He had had some experiences as a child that kept replaying themselves in his mind” – adding, “Our relationship is now better than it’s ever been. Going over this mountain together has given me the marriage I’ve always longed for.” Lucky Girl !

Busy Switchboard stint mid-month – wonder when this endless stream of newly diagnosed positive men will ever slow up! Re which, leading researcher Dr Brian Williams, from the South African Centre for Epidemiological Modelling & Analysis, has recently claimed that testing billions of people for HIV, and swiftly treating those infected with anti-retroviral drugs to make them less infectious, could stop transmission within 5 years; and, since most of those currently carrying the virus would have died within 40 years, effectively eradicate the disease by 2050. He insists that, although mass screening programmes would be expensive, they “would begin saving money from day one” – and, ultimately, halt mass loss of life and erase AIDS from Planet Earth. Governments and HIV charities: food for thought!

Skip Mon morn mews meet. Boss giving out orders re Blackpool Pride (15-16 May), which kicks off the blessed Pride Season, cue our annual Circa roadshow. Am hardly skiving though. Things had started to twinge and seep “down below” – can’t think who else it could have been: apart from cutie Paul, who I duly phone to tell! Pop into 56 Dean Street (www.56deanstreet.nhs.uk), the new state-of-the-art sexual health centre in the heart of Soho, London’s main gaybourhood. Indeed, the clinic feels more like some frothy-coffee style bar, or swish hotel!

This month’s Circa-branded Capital Queer column focuses on homophobia – 17 May being International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO), highlighting the 77 countries in the world where homosexuality is illegal, and where punishments include imprisonment, even death. Indeed, but there’s still an issue closer to home, vie I, albeit us having well-nigh legal equality. Whilst indicating that British people have become significantly more tolerant of homosexuality in the past three decades, the most recent government-backed British Social Attitudes survey has found that a still-shocking 36% of those surveyed thought homosexuality was “always” or “mostly” wrong. Only 39% said that homosexuality was “never” wrong. Bump into Kerry who’s on her way to an IDAHO women’s march. She says a recent Metropolitan Police survey suggests that women are up to seven times less likely to report LGBT-related crime than men – despite other research indicating that the actual incidence of homophobic crime is similar for both sexes.

Yet, who needs homophobia when gays have got each other, I darkly muse - skimming papers in bed with purring Mous ‘n Cous one Sunday morn! Read that 37-year old Gary Stewart has admitted to magistrates in Manchester that he attempted to poison his lesbian neighbours by giving them a leftover curry laced with slug pellets, in the guise of a “peace offering”, following a long-running feud. Also spy that 34-year old Lee Barnard from Wales has been jailed for 12 months for attacking his 32-year old male partner with a meat cleaver after a row in their kitchen - the latter telling the court that he could have been “chopped in half”.

So inspired by Athens last month, treat self, this month-end, to short stint on Crete - birthplace of Zeus; and the Minotaur! By far Greece’s largest island, covering 3,200 square miles, Crete lies just 125 miles north of the African coast, with a resident population of around 700,000. The glories of the mighty Minoan civilisation (flourishing 2000BC-1500BC approx) still litter the land; and the sun-drenched northern resorts remain mercifully effortlessly dwarfed by peaks rising to 2500m, vast goat-filled olive groves, plus deep gorges and caverns. The island has outlasted myriad invaders – from Romans and Byzantines, through Arabs, Ottomans and Venetians, to integration into the modern independent Greek nation, German invasion, then liberation! Crete’s queer scene is small, with just one gay bar proper, in Malia; a few gay-friendly places in capital Heraklion and other towns; plus numerous nude beaches – where head I.

From wrestling to star trek, Adrian Gillan suggests yet more whacky gay social and sports clubs to sign up for this Spring!

GAY GORDONS

www.thegaygordons.org

The Gay Gordons is London’s LGBT Scottish country dance club. Formed in 2005, it meets twice weekly in London for a class; and several times a year for special club dances; plus throws wider geilidhs and even larger events as often as possible. Scottish country dancing is very sociable and more experienced members are encouraged to partner newcomers, with everyone changing partners for each new dance. The group welcomes anyone and is proudly straight-friendly, merely asking that attendees are happy to dance with either men or women, and that long faces are left at the door. The club runs along cooperative lines, actively encouraging all members to get involved as much as they can or want to, whether that be by simply attending the dance or helping organise outside events and socials. As well as traditional dances, members also regularly create their own - such as “Jimmy’s Fancy” and “James’ Jig”. Bring along soft-soled shoes. Kilts: optional!

GLAM (GAY, LESBIAN & MENSAN)

www.glam.org.uk

Ever feel let down by the unintellectual quality of conversation of some of your otherwise adorable queer friends? Help is at hand! GLAM is an independent group for LGBT members of Mensa, the high-IQ society. It currently boasts about 100 members UK-wide, plus some overseas. That said, if there are 3.6 million LGBTs in the UK, as Government estimates suggest, and they have the same general intelligence distribution as the wider population, then 72,000 LGBTs – the top 2% in terms of IQ - are actually eligible for Mensa, and hence GLAM, membership. And if you followed this last calculation, you may well be one of them! GLAM offers monthly Sunday lunch meets in members’ homes; regular restaurant moots in London; occasional theme weekends throughout the UK and beyond; a monthly newsletter; access to the GLAM Directory, where fellow members can record their contact details and interests, should they wish; and an exclusive Facebook site. Happily, those who frankly very much doubt their eligibility can still join in the fun – if a member’s partner!

SISTERHOOD OF KARN

www.skarn.co.uk

The Sisterhood of Karn is an “Earth-based group of gay people united by their interest in Doctor Who and cult TV”. The Sisterhood was founded in January 1994 and is as vibrant as ever, now in its 16th year. There are no membership fees and gatherings are informal, with the sole purpose of facilitating the fun socialising of like-minded individuals and lots of great conversation! The meetings are an opportunity to discuss Doctor Who, cult TV and related issues without fear of suffering the “ridicule and disapprobation” that many, perhaps most, devotees seem to face when they “come out” as Doctor Who fans – an event that is, say some, often a more difficult admission than coming out as gay. The Sisterhood meets on the third Thursday of every month, from 7.30pm onwards, in the upstairs bar of the Kings Arms pub in Poland Street, Soho, London. Additional meetings are held whilst series are actually running on TV; and popular trips are frequently organised - such as a recent one to the location of the famous 1968 Doctor Who episode, “Invasion”, where the Cybermen march down the steps leading from St Paul’s Cathedral!

GLUG (Gay & Lesbian Underwater Group)

www.glug.co.uk

The Gay & Lesbian Underwater Group (GLUG) is a non-profit scuba diving club for LGBTs and their friends – including a few straight divers who find the club a refreshing change from the somewhat macho, hetero-male environment found in many other scuba clubs! GLUG has over 100 members throughout the UK, with ages ranging from mid-20s to late 50s; and organises at least 10 dive trips in the UK and overseas each year. GLUG recognises the following organisations and minimum qualifications as proof of ability to dive: PADI Open Water, BSAC Club Diver, CMAS, SAA Elementary, NAUI Open Water Diver - and other equivalents. It also organises occasional “try dive” events for absolute beginners; plus advises on training and discounts for certification and for diving equipment with gay-friendly commercial organisations. GLUG meets socially every first Tuesday of the month in Soho, London– plus at other times throughout the year. So go on: take the plunge!

LONDON AMATEUR WRESTLERS

www.law-wrestling.org

London Amateur Wrestlers (LAW) was formed in 1996 as an initiative to promote the close-combat sports of wrestling and grappling in a gay-friendly environment. Although not an exclusively gay club, it explicitly welcomes everyone interested in wrestling - irrespective of sexual orientation. LAW trains in Greco-Roman/freestyle wrestling and submission grappling/wrestling, hosting regular practice sessions at City University, London, Saturday and Sunday, daytimes; and in Brighton, Wednesday evenings. Whether a total novice simply in it for leisure, keep fit or self-defence; or a seasoned, experienced competition wrestler keen to represent the squad in forthcoming tournaments – you will be eagerly welcome

Fun informal Circa meet at our CoE bishop member’s in Hampstead. Usual crowd - Josh ‘n Karl; Charlie ‘n Boy; once-mighty Inge knocking back the vino. Reverend host knocking it back a fair bit too. Says amused and edified to read that budget airline Easyjet has offered to fly Pope Benedict XVI to the UK for free, in a bid to reduce the estimated £20 million cost to taxpayers for his planned 4-day visit here later this year – the no-frills firm apparently offering His Holiness “online check-in, a generous hand baggage allowance, even Speedy Boarding”. The Vatican has yet to respond! Several of the older guests seem revealingly cheered when I tell them that gay crime reporting and support charity Galop is now actively campaigning to erase from criminals records past convictions for buggery or gross indecency, dating back to pre 1969 decriminalisation, such that they no longer show up when employers or voluntary organisations run those dreaded background checks.

Invite fellow single dad, gorgeous Paul, round for dins one night, as planned. After a hot hour or two in the bedroom, we both agree we’re too exhausted to eat – the beef is burnt black anyway – so just loll in each others’ arms, chatting away. We plan another day-trip out, with our respective nippers, Toby and Lucas – plus maybe Kev ‘n Em’s not-so-little Sven – and both share a hope that our sons, regardless of their eventual orientations, will grow up in a classroom, and wider society, less homophobic than we ourselves did. I happily recall that Stonewall has been sending every secondary school in Britain a copy of its fab new DVD, FIT - the first feature film for schools to tackle homophobic bullying.

Have lunch with sister Kerrie, whose acting and publishing plans are increasingly on-the-rocks. Lots of girl trouble too, she moans. Can’t seem to make anything last, whilst all her lady friends are getting hitched - often with each other! Says two of her “best lesbian pals” have recently undertaken the first ever civil partnership inside a UK jail. Murderer Sara Crane and drug dealer Joanne Davies, both aged 31, had their ceremony at Send Prison, Sussex. The pair – who are reportedly allowed 2 hours alone together per day – were permitted to wear their own clothes and, she says almost jealously, hold a party afterwards with fellow inmates.

Arrive on Circa-branded bicycle for mid-month Monday morn mews meet. Burman-flanked boss orders Kev ‘n Karl ‘n I to run a mini membership drive targeting gay male professionals living with HIV, “to ensure they feel welcome” - us working closely with the big HIV charities to this end. She says a recent National AIDS Trust survey of gay men living with HIV found positive guys working in all kinds of jobs, at all levels, from hospitality to financial services.

Busy, as ever, during monthly Switchboard stint - as per norm, many calls from younger guys just diagnosed HIV positive. Sometimes I wonder if the prevention campaigns are really working. Terrence Higgins Trust has launched a new awareness-raising crusade aimed at gay men who don’t use condoms because they, often wrongly, think they have correctly identified their partner’s status, positive or negative. “Assumptions” consists of a series of three adverts, each one featuring two men having sex, presenting their differing viewpoints, with one man believing, “He’s not mentioned condoms. He’s gotta be positive like me”; whilst the other man thinks, “No condom, so he’s probably negative too”; plus the campaign strapline urging, “Don’t assume you’re both thinking the same thing”. More at www.gmfa.org.uk/assumptions

Use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask what gay people should now call each other, and – if different – what non-gays should be allowed to call us. Does “gay” have too much of a male connotation and exclude lesbians, bisexuals etc. Is “LGBT”, let alone LGBTQI and such, too much of a mouthful? Does “homosexual” have overly sexualised and/or medical/psychiatric nuances? Is “queer” radical and anti-assimilationist; or trivially camp and self-alienating? Is “poof”, and the like, ever permissible, say, between bantering gay friends? Or is choice and acceptability of all such terms purely contextual?

Typically amused and appalled, pawing papers with fluffballs Mous ‘n Cous, in bed over coffee one mercifully sunny morn. Spy that 21-year old Tristram Gay from Hereford is changing his name to join the Royal Navy because he fears he may be bullied, claiming he has been the target of jokes all his life, adding: “In the Navy everyone is called by their surname so I would get a lot of stick. It was different in the old days when gay meant happy.” Ironically, also read that a gay Oklahoma student is suing state officials - for barring him from having a personalised car numberplate that reads “IM GAY”.

Treat self to month-end jaunt to the very birthplace of homosexuality - yee Gods! Outside Egypt and the Middle East, perhaps no other city can lay so great a claim to being the cradle of “Western Civilisation” as Athens, whose 5th Century BC “Golden Age” sowed the seeds later nurtured and morphed by the Romans and all major Biblio-Judaic offshoots. Athens’ intrinsic cultural richness has, arguably against all odds, stood the test of time, surviving its myriad then-seeming all-conquering invaders – from Romans and Byzantines, through Ottomans and Venetians, to the establishment of a modern independent Greek nation, which itself has witnessed German invasion, then liberation, followed by civil war, a junta and eventual evolution - well-nigh full circle - into a democracy the Ancients might well half-recognise, along with the 2004 Olympic Games! EU membership and the thankfully waning sway of a repressive, chauvinist and ultra-conservative Greek Orthodox Church - that was frankly making the Ancient Greek Heroes groan and spin in their graves - have led to a recent renaissance in the Greek arts, and the resurgence of more gay activity than these wise old hills can have probably witnessed since, oh, around 500BC.

From walking and birding to camping and sailing, Adrian Gillan highlights a few gay outdoor social and sports clubs to sign up for this Spring!

GAY SUNDAY WALKING GROUP

www.gswg.org.uk

Call it walking, hiking or rambling: the Gay Sunday Walking group does it in and around London and the Home Counties twice a month - and loves it! One of the walks is always an all-day affair, spanning 8 to 15 miles, starting and finishing at a railway station within an hour’s travel from a London terminus, and includes a pub lunch. The other is always a half-day jaunt, covering 3 to 6 miles – also normally involving a pub! Some years there are also weeks or weekends away, even overseas - like recently to Majorca. Membership costs just £5 a year and is open to all gay men and lesbians - and their friends. There are currently around 160 members, mostly gay men; and between 15 and 40 people tend to join any given walk – which is planned and overseen by a volunteer walk leader. The group started in 1972, formally a social club within the Campaign for Homosexual Equality, and is now affiliated to the Ramblers’ Association. Members’ ideas for new walks and walking activities are always welcomed; as are new members, and their guests.

GAY CLASSIC CAR GROUP

www.gccg.org.uk

The Gay Classic Car Group started informally in 1988 when some gay friends who owned a variety of vintage cars met up one lunchtime. Since then, membership has grown steadily to above 600. Whilst it is often acknowledged that the wider classic car scene is rather male dominated anyway, as the GCCG demonstrates, not all “men and motors” fit the “standard model”. You don’t have to own a classic car to join, although some of the more “cranked up” members do own several – everything from an Allegro to a Zagato! The group is run by a committee with regional reps who help promote and host over 20 local events throughout Britain each year.

GAY BIRDERS CLUB

www.gbc-online.org.uk

The Gay Birders Club has been organising events and providing facilities for UK lesbian and gay birderwatchers since 1994. Membership currently stands at over 300 - with almost as many women as men, and ever-increasing numbers worldwide. Since 1998, there have been over 100 events each year, ranging from evening walks, to weekend events at prime birdwatching locations, to extended holidays to international destinations such as Nepal, California, India, The Gambia, Costa Rica and Australia. Every eighteen months, the club also holds a Grand Get-Together bringing as many members together in one place as possible for a weekend of socialising and birdwatching. The social element is further underlined by the fact that London has a monthly club pub night; and there are regular bar-B-Qs and meals to complement the birdwatching calendar. With such a friendly all-inclusive atmosphere, the group attracts - and welcomes - members with all levels of birding expertise. Whether you enjoy seeing rarities - which in the UK have included the Lanceolated Warbler and Black-headed Bunting - or just want the chance to see old favourites like Puffin, Golden Eagle or Kingfisher, the club gives you the opportunity.

GAY CARAVAN & CAMPING CLUB

www.gaycaravanclub.com

Yearning to sniff out open lanes and grassy fields on summer breezes? Founded in 1990, the Gay Caravan & Camping Club is a UK-based social (and sociable) club for lesbians and gay men who own a caravan, tent or motorhome and enjoy sharing weekend or week-long rallies with like-minded others. All members are encouraged to choose a site and organise a meet at some point if they can, but there is no compulsion and meets are informal and relaxed. Some members walk their dogs, go swimming and explore the nearby towns or National Trust properties. Some simply go to chill out and spend their time catching up with friends, both old and new. About four fifths of the membership is made up of couples but singles are extremely welcome – as are those with children. Annual subs cover a bi-monthly newsletter (“Groundsheet”) plus regular updates throughout the year. The club has a high reputation on sites and adheres to a code a conduct so as not to upset other, generally straight, happy campers!

GAY SAILING CLUB

www.gaysailing.org.uk

The Gay Sailing & Cruising Association is a sailing club for LGBT people, their families, friends and others. Founded in 1980, it is affiliated to boating’s governing body, the Royal Yachting Association, and now boasts almost 400 members from throughout the UK. You do not need to know how to sail to join the club: everyone is welcome. Some 100 members are boat owners, mostly of sail or power cruisers, drawing on other members to help crew their boats, many of whom thereby learn to sail informally. Members who want to take things further often band together to take approved courses. The club also organises a variety of shore-based training, particularly in the winter months, and is a stickler for safety. It publishes a regular newsletter. Every month members meet socially, on land - in London and Ipswich - to catch up and to give boat owners and potential crew the chance to hook up. Prospective members are warmly invited to pop along to chat with existing members so they can gauge the swell!

Grab little Toby from Sue’s and hook up, once more, with Paul - the cute fellow gay dad I met at that Chelsea kids’ play centre last month. My little nipper and his wee sprog, Lucas, click quick. Ditto us two adults. As we trundle our sleeping babes back through Regent’s Park to the tube, as London Zoo locks its doors, Paul – whose crotch I’ve hardly been able to take my eyes off all day, leans over and gives me a whacking big snog, suggesting I come round for dinner, “as soon as”.

Skip one monthly Monday morn mews meet. Boss keen on me ‘n Kev, instead, attending Stonewall’s 2010 Workplace Conference (Mon 8 March), to try to drum up new corporate members. Pleased to note that Stonewall itself seems to be walking the talk on workplace equality - reporting that more than 50% of its staff are now female, up from 34% five years ago; that 20% of its London staff are now from black and minority ethnic communities, up from 4% five years ago; and that 14% of staff are disabled, up from none five years ago.

Hook up with increasingly sozzled sister, Kerry, who – having put her nascent acting career on hold, after one too many “next”s – is throwing her ever-burgeoning weight back into gay publishing, this time mulling sponsoring a new Brighton-set all-queer superhero comic book, Spandex – featuring trans crime fighter duo, Liberty and Diva, the lesbian equivalents of Wonder Woman, tackling assorted villains, including a 50ft lesbian who attacks the city’s seafront.

Typically appalled and amused as paw papers with Mous ‘n Cous one Sunday morn. Read that a father is standing trial in Queensland for allegedly forcing his 14-year old son to sleep with a female prostitute because he suspected the boy might be gay - waiting outside the motel bedroom, telling his son he needed to see a used condom as proof; and spy that queer mega-star George Michael defends his cruising for sex on Hampstead Heath, North London, gushing: “It’s a much nicer place to get some quick and honest sex than standing in a bar, E’d [drugged] off your tits. I have friends up there.”

Attend, with Nutty, several events at the London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival (17 - 31 March 2010, www.llgff.org.uk), the largest of it’s kind in Europe, attracting over 22,000 people each year to its 120 film premieres, plus shorts, masterclasses and interviews. See a fringe talk about the emerging queer face of Bollywood, with the appearance of some of Indian cinema’s first ever gay love scenes, all against the context of Section 377, the recently-rescinded colonial-era law which had banned gay sex on the Indian sub-continent.

Have veteran campaigner and friend, Peter Tatchell, over for supper one eve. He has recently announced, with regret, that he is standing down as the Green Party parliamentary candidate for Oxford East, claiming that brain injuries resulting from his 2001 Mugabe and 2007 Moscow beatings mean he would neither be able to campaign effectively in the general election nor do the duties required of an MP, if elected. “The medical advice is that if I slow down and reduce my workload my condition may improve in a year or so,” he says, over pudding. “But I am unlikely to ever recover fully.”

Fun informal Circa meet at a banker member’s Docklands penthouse – our host, one naughty guest murmurs, doubtless lavishing hospitality in a bid to boost popularity, he and his profession having come in for a reputational battering in recent months. What better way to spend your tax-payer funded bonus?!? Love duos, Josh ‘n Karl plus Charlie ‘n Boy, do their usual trolling - lapping up everything on offer, glass upon glass. And where comes booze, once-mighty Inge is rarely far behind, knackered after a hard day showing gay tourists around town - and now touting for other, more nocturnal, “business”. Speaking of which, overhear interesting conversation - some gay business bod claiming the number of gay bars in London has dropped from 250, five years ago, to 150 now. Punters must have all migrated online, I smugly opine.

Busy Switchboard stint. Lots of gay boys wanting to know more, having seen Terrence Higgins Trust’s recent “Biology of Transmission” campaign, aimed especially at younger men and others new to gay sex, getting vital HIV transmission information across using three striking “bottom”-themed images - the sponge (illustrating how the lining of the rectum absorbs semen and pre-cum containing HIV); the eggs (covering how the rectal lining can be damaged during fucking or when objects enter the rectum, allowing HIV easier entry into the bloodstream); and the peach (explaining how oft-unnoticed sexually transmitted infections make it easier for HIV to be passed on due to skin damage inside the rectum). Refer most lads to www.chapsonline.org.uk/biology.

Use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask whether the predominant use of “camp” gay comics like Graham Norton and Alan Carr on British television does more harm than good? Veteran activist Peter Tatchell and gay actor Sir Ian McKellen have both recently lambasted “camp and clichéd” gay comic personalities and fictional characters on UK TV. Graham Norton has since signed a 2-year £4-million deal to stay at the BBC.

So zonked come month-end, decide to visit Las Vegas. In fact, you don’t so much visit “Vegas” as smash right into it, rearing up out of the Nevada desert like some giant flashing, flexing one-armed bandit - its supersized follies, casinos, hotels, shows, restaurants, bars and malls all vying for queer attentions. Indeed, your plane well-nigh lands on The Strip: that miracle mile or three of stylish yet quintessentially teeth-‘n-tits facade, like an old-style all-American frontier town’s main saloon-lined street - on acid. Not-so-mini versions of the Eiffel Tower, Lady Liberty and Sphinx go head-to-head with real-life lions, exploding volcanoes and eternally sinking pirate ships - plus a plethora of quick-hitch wedding chapels. Gay, gay, gay!

GMFA’s Matthew Hodson gives his top ten tips for a refreshingly healthy overall overhaul this Spring. Dig this detox!

1. Learn from the past but don’t live in it
We all make mistakes, do stupid things or have rotten relationships. Beating yourself up about what you’ve done in the past won’t do you any good. Learning from your mistakes, and making sure that you don’t repeat them, will stand you in better stead.

2. Find out your HIV status

If you don’t already know, get tested. Learning that you’re HIV positive isn’t easy but you’re likely to live longer. And knowing your status means that you’re more able to look after your own health and the health of your partners.

3. Resolve conflicts with the people you love

A friend of mine died not too long ago whilst we were going through a bad patch and had been out of contact. I wish I had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me.

4. Get a sexual health check up
Having an STI is unpleasant enough and it also increases your vulnerability to HIV if you’re HIV negative and makes you more infectious if you’re positive. Most other STIs are easier to catch than HIV so it’s worth having a regular check up even if you only have safer sex.

5. Look after your body
Plastic surgery aside, it’s the only one you’ve got. If you don’t fancy the gym, there are plenty of gay sports clubs.

6. Take responsibility for your own actions
Everyone has shit to deal with, but blaming other people for the things that you do only disempowers you. Take responsibility and take control.

7. Stop smoking
An estimated 12,000 gay men die each year as a result of smoking-related illness. Do a stop-smoking course or take one of the new anti-smoking drugs - whatever suits you best, but just stub it out.

8. Make a commitment to safer sex
Whatever your HIV status, it’s up to everyone to stop HIV devastating our community. Stock up on condoms and lube, and be extra careful with yourself if you’re feeling depressed, or under the influence of drink, drugs or love, because those are the times that you’re most likely to slip up.

9. Accept getting older
Grey hair and wrinkles are never going to be the height of fashion but getting older is so much better than the alternative.

10. None of the above should make you miserable. Taking control of your own health and wellbeing is a necessary step towards happiness… so the 10th resolution, above all others: enjoy yourself!

For details on sexual health clinics, counseling services, stop smoking & assertiveness courses, gay sports groups and information about HIV & AIDS, visit www.gmfa.org.uk

Join Nutty Neighbour for a bout of what one used, albeit in more innocent times, to call “shuttlecock”, at Goslings London (www.goslingssportsclub.com) - a “social sports club” for gay men, lesbians and their friends, in fact also known for its swimming, as well as its, as one now says, badminton. We just roll up, as beginners, at one of their three London venues and a friendly host gets us up to speed quicker than an overhead smash. Changing facilities and showers are available, free to use. And use them we do. Quite a few younger athletic members.

Pick up my little Toby from Sue; plus not-so-little Sven from Kev ‘n Em’s. Take the two nippers to an indoor play centre in Chelsea. Joint seemingly jumping with assorted lesbian mums; plus teenage nannies paid not-a-lot to get little treasures out of the way whilst rich mummies do lunch and/or jazz up their hair. Get chatting with another single male dad - he anxiously watching Sven cutting up his own little boy on the mini-dodgems. Cute Paul – very sweet – gives me his number and suggests we hook up, albeit with our respective kids, for another fun day out some time soon!

Drop by Gay Tourist Office in Soho to see once-mighty Inge, who admits he hasn’t seen his not-so-wee Sven in months – too busy showing gay visitors around town, he says; plus, doubtless, “working nights” as of yore! Looks a tad worse for wear – drink and drugs surely taking their toll. At least those two so-called “party drugs”, BZP and GBL, are now banned, I privately opine.

Lunch with sister, Kerrie – who mum warns is back on the booze big-time post-detox. Kez’s been putting her ailing lesbian magazine on hold, meantime auditioning for BBC3’s forthcoming Lip Service - a new 6-part drama focusing on the sex lives of a group of 20- and 30-something lesbian pals in Glasgow. Her speech is now so slurred it might as well be Glaswegian, I sadly muse.

Burman-flanked Boss in typically feisty mood at Mon morn mews meet, announces her intention to massively up our bisexual membership – citing a new report by Stonewall (www.stonewall.org.uk/bisexualworkplaceguide) highlighting how so-called “LGB” employee networks oft exclude bis, however unwittingly. “Those bi boys need us,” she softly murmurs.

Fun informal Circa meet at artist member’s in Streatham. To mark LGBT History Month (www.lgbthistorymonth.org.uk), is gay historical fancy dress this time round. I go as Martina Navratilova, Nutty as Nero. Josh ‘n Karl make a touching Oscar ‘n Bosie; likewise Charlie ‘n Boy troll for biz – not entirely tastefully, to my mind – as Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell!

Hectic Switchboard stint, towards month-end. Several calls from young gay guys anxious about their weight, apparently visiting so-called “thinspiration” websites – which infamously promote anorexia/bulimia as a lifestyle choice, rather than as eating disorders, thus prompting calls by psychologists for a clamp-down. At least 15% of gay or bi men are estimated to have, at some time, suffered anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder, compared with less than 5% of straight men. Some say “idealised” imagery – not least as used by much gay media itself - is in no small part to blame.

Use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask whether an overly-politically correct left wing often wrongly espouses “cultural relativism”, thereby seemingly sanctioning belief systems that oppress and discriminate? Veteran human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell has claimed that not all cultures are equally valid and that political and religious ideas based on racism, patriarchy and homophobia should be actively challenged - not passively tolerated, as they all too often are, says he, by some left-wing groups and media.

Appalled and amused in equal measure, pawing papers over coffee with Mous ‘n Cous one fitfully sunny morn. Read that a 61-year old trans woman from Newport has removed her own male genitals using a home surgery kit, up in her bathroom, after being told she would have to wait two years for gender reassignment surgery; that a straight, middle-aged, Italian couple is suing a cruise line after they were placed on a 3-day gay cruise holiday, claiming they were not told that the vacation was aimed at same-sex pairs; and that the Driver & Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) has been forced to withdraw two personalised homophobically offensive numberplates - ‘F4 GOT’ and ‘D1 KES’ - from an auction it would itself have profited from.

Get in my annual dose of skiing, this year hopping “The Pond” to the 7th annual Telluride Gay Ski Week (20-27 Feb 2010; www.telluridegayskiweek.com) in the US state of Colorado, for a blend of top-rate skiing and “unpretentious” activities with the spirited yet laid-back charm of a “Euro-style ski town”. Caution: The thin air here can sure make you dizzy, not least with all the hot, hunky athletic bods both on and off piste!

February 2010 is the UK’s 6th LGBT History Month – aiming to drag an all too oft oppressed and airbrushed queer past out of the closet, as a positive catalyst for social change! Month brainchild, Schools Out!’s Sue Sanders, gives her Top Ten Tips on how we can all get involved.

Schools, colleges, unis, workplaces, councils, churches, community centres, youth clubs, museums, libraries and theatre groups - nay every individual and organization, LGBT or otherwise - can do something to promote knowledge of LGBT achievement, past and present. Here are just a few suggestions:
1. Community halls and youth clubs: Invite a specialist historian or biographer in to give a talk; arrange an evening of readings from LGBT memoirs, biogs, poems and fiction; invite older LGBT people in your area to talk and answer questions about LGBT life way back; organise a guided walk around local places of LGBT historical interest; host an LGBT history quiz.

2. Schools and colleges: Put up a display; hold a themed assembly; teach about LGBT people and related events in relevant lessons (History, English, Religious Education, Citizenship, Sex and Relationships etc); debate controversial LGBT-related motions during lunchtime.

3. Uni departments and societies (notably History, Art History, English/Drama, Gender/LGBT/Social Studies, but all departments since prominent historical queers come from all walks of life): Arrange a public lecture, seminar or full-day conference.

4. Museums, art galleries and archives: Put on an exhibition; hold a history workshop; arrange a public talk.

5. Libraries: Put on a display of books and pictures (eg a photographic exhibition of past local pride events from the 1970s to present day).

6. Theatres, arts centres, dramatic societies and music groups: Put on a play, performance or reading by or about a celebrated LGBT writer, composer or artist; organise a poetry, short story or art competition with an LGBT theme.

7. Film clubs and independent cinemas: Show a film with an LGBT theme or with gay film stars; or lay on a whole month-long season.

8. Local newspapers: Run a special feature on local gay history - the local gay scene from 70s to today; interviews with LGBT publicans and local LGBTs aged 17 - 70yrs!

9. Every closet in the land: Start clearing out your own gay closets! Keep a queer eye trained for any interesting badges, photos, banners, leaflets, posters, newspapers, mags, books or campaign T-shirts - making clear and detailed records of their history if known, informing the LGBT Hall Carpenter Archive of any real gems so they might be kept safe and accessible to posterity. Note: If you dig up any LGBT gems in your attic or closet, call the Hall-Carpenter Hotline NOW on: 0207 955 7223.

10. Every closet designer: Design, then display or photocopy and distribute an LGBT History Month poster or flyer, listing the names of dozens – nay hundreds - of prominent historical queer figures. Put it up - in your classroom, common room, youth hut, church hall, library, work kitchen or notice board; get it read out at a school assembly or other public gathering; use it at A4 size as a hand-out, perhaps to prompt discussion at a group or meeting, or as an insert in a work/school/college magazine. Leave a stack lying around for people to pick up and chat about!

For further suggestions, resources and the chance to promote your own LGBT History Month activity, or to share your creative ideas, visit: www.lgbthistorymonth.org.uk
Adrian Gillan

Get talked by Nutty Neighbour into doing a sponsored “same-sex hand-hold”, through Soho and out into the “big wide world” – asking a pound for every fifty yards we make: a spin-off from the increasingly celebrated “A Day In Hand” (http://www.adayinhand.com/) same-sex hand-holding campaign whereby same-sex couples and friends are encouraged to hold hands in public to support the visibility of LGBT people, thereby changing attitudes and advancing human rights. Get as far as the Strand – taking in a few gay bars en route to drum up extra cash, and courage – but bottle it outside Superdrug… not because of any mean manly mob in tow, but at the very thought that anyone, not least anyone I might know or half-know, might possibly think Nutty and I were a real item!

Lunch with lesbian sister Kerry, just out of a long-stay East End detox clinic, now throwing her increasingly considerable womanly weight – or, more strictly, that of her sporadically appearing lesbian organ, Lesbian And Bisexual Stimulation (L.A.B.S. for short) – behind an ongoing Stonewall campaign, urging lavender ladies to “Love Your Inner Lesbian”. Seemingly in love with little else, “big sis” prattles on about the joys of facial hair and feminine odours - knocking back the beers! The poster campaign, in surgeries and healthcare centres, actually aims to encourage lesbian and bisexual women to take better care of themselves; and to be more open with their doctor about their healthcare needs, in order to receive better care – not least around issues such as smear testing, lesbian parenting, mental health and… alcoholism!

Dropping little Toby off at Sue’s, after an exhausting day out at London Zoo, notice copy of Pregnant Pause (www.stonewall.org.uk/pregnant_pause) - Stonewall’s new free plain-English guide for lesbians considering starting a family - sprawled open on her coffee table. If she wants a little sibling for my boy she can use some anonymous, “fatherless” (until offspring 18) sperm from a clinic, she’ll not get another drop out of me.

Hectic Switchboard stint – mainly callers anxious about their drink and drug habits, still going strong but no Xmas to excuse. Also a few who dropped their sexual guard with the booze. Plus some who have just felt plain lonely throughout the “season of goodwill”. At the risk of putting myself out of business, refer several to Terrence Higgins Trust’s new “Connect Online Counselling” (www.tht.org.uk/online-counselling) - a new service for the LGBT community nationwide, aiming to give people the chance to explore difficulties or challenges in their lives, make sense of experiences and find solutions or coping mechanisms.

Bump into Inge, for the first time in ages, who claims he’s now working at the recently opened Gay Tourist Office London (http://www.gaytouristoffice.co.uk/), the UK’s first centre for LGBT tourists, based in Soho, at 30 Lisle Street, WC2H, above Ku Bar, and open Mon-Sat, 12pm-6pm - which, I assume, still leaves Inge his nights free to pick up punters, to supplement his income in his accustomed tax-free way. Give my love to Em ‘n not-so-little Sven!

Hot and sweaty after cycle in to Mon morn mews meet, where Karl ‘n Kev are clearing up after one of Boss’ newly neutered male burmans has gone – understandably, at the discovery – completely berserk. Boss’ latest big marketing idea is to piggyback in on the tails of a new study that claims to show LGB people are most likely opting not to join particular professions - such as teaching, the police and army - for fear of homophobia. She wants a campaign - PR and advertising - to recruit new members from such jobs, in the name of human rights and solidarity!

Fun informal Circa meet at our bishop member’s home in Putney. Josh ‘n Karl, Charlie ‘n Boy all present – the latter duo drumming up business, and going down a storm, amongst the numerous clergy guests. Strangely tire of all the usual celebrity gossip flying around, and find self chatting, instead, to a police member, who gives some timely advice about staying safe in the party season when, he says, many of us are most vulnerable to attack, theft or sexual assault. His top tips: don’t let alcohol affect your judgment; don’t flaunt valuables, leave them at home; make sure you and your friends look after each other and get home safely; and be safe on the streets, walking tall and looking purposeful!

Use weekly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask: should safer sex campaigns be harder-hitting? A recent poll found that over a third (36%) of gay men think harder-hitting HIV campaigns, specifically depicting the realities of living with HIV, would be more effective than current activity in getting people to engage in safer sex. Only 4% thought this would stigmatise positive people; or dissuade gay men from testing.

Amused and bemused, lying in bed with Mous ‘n Cous, pawing papers over coffee one morn. Read that hunky 25-year old PE teacher Sam Handley has had to resign from boys-only Harvey Grammar School, in Folkestone - after pupils allegedly discovered pictures of him posing naked, with full erections, on a gay porn site. When quizzed about the images by The Sun, Handley denied they were pornographic, adding “I was just holding it”.

Flee due south, month end, to another of those eternally warm volcanic Atlantic Spanish island idylls! It might not be the biggest Canary – it’s second to Tenerife on that count – but Fuerteventura is definitely the longest, measuring 60 miles from Corralejo in the north to Punta de Jandia in the south; and is just 8 miles south of neighbouring Lanzarote and scarce 60 miles west of the West African coast. Invaded by Spain six centuries ago, Fuerteventura’s current 80,000-strong resident population has become increasingly dwarfed, since the 1970s, by an invasion of tourists seeking its year-round warmth and sunshine - plus cooling, steady breezes, so perfect for wind- and water-sports. This influx has brought a degree of financial security, plus the odd maverick call for independence from the motherland