GMFA’s Matthew Hodson gives his top ten tips for a refreshingly healthy overall overhaul this Spring. Dig this detox!

1. Learn from the past but don’t live in it
We all make mistakes, do stupid things or have rotten relationships. Beating yourself up about what you’ve done in the past won’t do you any good. Learning from your mistakes, and making sure that you don’t repeat them, will stand you in better stead.

2. Find out your HIV status

If you don’t already know, get tested. Learning that you’re HIV positive isn’t easy but you’re likely to live longer. And knowing your status means that you’re more able to look after your own health and the health of your partners.

3. Resolve conflicts with the people you love

A friend of mine died not too long ago whilst we were going through a bad patch and had been out of contact. I wish I had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me.

4. Get a sexual health check up
Having an STI is unpleasant enough and it also increases your vulnerability to HIV if you’re HIV negative and makes you more infectious if you’re positive. Most other STIs are easier to catch than HIV so it’s worth having a regular check up even if you only have safer sex.

5. Look after your body
Plastic surgery aside, it’s the only one you’ve got. If you don’t fancy the gym, there are plenty of gay sports clubs.

6. Take responsibility for your own actions
Everyone has shit to deal with, but blaming other people for the things that you do only disempowers you. Take responsibility and take control.

7. Stop smoking
An estimated 12,000 gay men die each year as a result of smoking-related illness. Do a stop-smoking course or take one of the new anti-smoking drugs - whatever suits you best, but just stub it out.

8. Make a commitment to safer sex
Whatever your HIV status, it’s up to everyone to stop HIV devastating our community. Stock up on condoms and lube, and be extra careful with yourself if you’re feeling depressed, or under the influence of drink, drugs or love, because those are the times that you’re most likely to slip up.

9. Accept getting older
Grey hair and wrinkles are never going to be the height of fashion but getting older is so much better than the alternative.

10. None of the above should make you miserable. Taking control of your own health and wellbeing is a necessary step towards happiness… so the 10th resolution, above all others: enjoy yourself!

For details on sexual health clinics, counseling services, stop smoking & assertiveness courses, gay sports groups and information about HIV & AIDS, visit www.gmfa.org.uk

Join Nutty Neighbour for a bout of what one used, albeit in more innocent times, to call “shuttlecock”, at Goslings London (www.goslingssportsclub.com) - a “social sports club” for gay men, lesbians and their friends, in fact also known for its swimming, as well as its, as one now says, badminton. We just roll up, as beginners, at one of their three London venues and a friendly host gets us up to speed quicker than an overhead smash. Changing facilities and showers are available, free to use. And use them we do. Quite a few younger athletic members.

Pick up my little Toby from Sue; plus not-so-little Sven from Kev ‘n Em’s. Take the two nippers to an indoor play centre in Chelsea. Joint seemingly jumping with assorted lesbian mums; plus teenage nannies paid not-a-lot to get little treasures out of the way whilst rich mummies do lunch and/or jazz up their hair. Get chatting with another single male dad - he anxiously watching Sven cutting up his own little boy on the mini-dodgems. Cute Paul – very sweet – gives me his number and suggests we hook up, albeit with our respective kids, for another fun day out some time soon!

Drop by Gay Tourist Office in Soho to see once-mighty Inge, who admits he hasn’t seen his not-so-wee Sven in months – too busy showing gay visitors around town, he says; plus, doubtless, “working nights” as of yore! Looks a tad worse for wear – drink and drugs surely taking their toll. At least those two so-called “party drugs”, BZP and GBL, are now banned, I privately opine.

Lunch with sister, Kerrie – who mum warns is back on the booze big-time post-detox. Kez’s been putting her ailing lesbian magazine on hold, meantime auditioning for BBC3’s forthcoming Lip Service - a new 6-part drama focusing on the sex lives of a group of 20- and 30-something lesbian pals in Glasgow. Her speech is now so slurred it might as well be Glaswegian, I sadly muse.

Burman-flanked Boss in typically feisty mood at Mon morn mews meet, announces her intention to massively up our bisexual membership – citing a new report by Stonewall (www.stonewall.org.uk/bisexualworkplaceguide) highlighting how so-called “LGB” employee networks oft exclude bis, however unwittingly. “Those bi boys need us,” she softly murmurs.

Fun informal Circa meet at artist member’s in Streatham. To mark LGBT History Month (www.lgbthistorymonth.org.uk), is gay historical fancy dress this time round. I go as Martina Navratilova, Nutty as Nero. Josh ‘n Karl make a touching Oscar ‘n Bosie; likewise Charlie ‘n Boy troll for biz – not entirely tastefully, to my mind – as Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell!

Hectic Switchboard stint, towards month-end. Several calls from young gay guys anxious about their weight, apparently visiting so-called “thinspiration” websites – which infamously promote anorexia/bulimia as a lifestyle choice, rather than as eating disorders, thus prompting calls by psychologists for a clamp-down. At least 15% of gay or bi men are estimated to have, at some time, suffered anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorder, compared with less than 5% of straight men. Some say “idealised” imagery – not least as used by much gay media itself - is in no small part to blame.

Use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask whether an overly-politically correct left wing often wrongly espouses “cultural relativism”, thereby seemingly sanctioning belief systems that oppress and discriminate? Veteran human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell has claimed that not all cultures are equally valid and that political and religious ideas based on racism, patriarchy and homophobia should be actively challenged - not passively tolerated, as they all too often are, says he, by some left-wing groups and media.

Appalled and amused in equal measure, pawing papers over coffee with Mous ‘n Cous one fitfully sunny morn. Read that a 61-year old trans woman from Newport has removed her own male genitals using a home surgery kit, up in her bathroom, after being told she would have to wait two years for gender reassignment surgery; that a straight, middle-aged, Italian couple is suing a cruise line after they were placed on a 3-day gay cruise holiday, claiming they were not told that the vacation was aimed at same-sex pairs; and that the Driver & Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) has been forced to withdraw two personalised homophobically offensive numberplates - ‘F4 GOT’ and ‘D1 KES’ - from an auction it would itself have profited from.

Get in my annual dose of skiing, this year hopping “The Pond” to the 7th annual Telluride Gay Ski Week (20-27 Feb 2010; www.telluridegayskiweek.com) in the US state of Colorado, for a blend of top-rate skiing and “unpretentious” activities with the spirited yet laid-back charm of a “Euro-style ski town”. Caution: The thin air here can sure make you dizzy, not least with all the hot, hunky athletic bods both on and off piste!

February 2010 is the UK’s 6th LGBT History Month – aiming to drag an all too oft oppressed and airbrushed queer past out of the closet, as a positive catalyst for social change! Month brainchild, Schools Out!’s Sue Sanders, gives her Top Ten Tips on how we can all get involved.

Schools, colleges, unis, workplaces, councils, churches, community centres, youth clubs, museums, libraries and theatre groups - nay every individual and organization, LGBT or otherwise - can do something to promote knowledge of LGBT achievement, past and present. Here are just a few suggestions:
1. Community halls and youth clubs: Invite a specialist historian or biographer in to give a talk; arrange an evening of readings from LGBT memoirs, biogs, poems and fiction; invite older LGBT people in your area to talk and answer questions about LGBT life way back; organise a guided walk around local places of LGBT historical interest; host an LGBT history quiz.

2. Schools and colleges: Put up a display; hold a themed assembly; teach about LGBT people and related events in relevant lessons (History, English, Religious Education, Citizenship, Sex and Relationships etc); debate controversial LGBT-related motions during lunchtime.

3. Uni departments and societies (notably History, Art History, English/Drama, Gender/LGBT/Social Studies, but all departments since prominent historical queers come from all walks of life): Arrange a public lecture, seminar or full-day conference.

4. Museums, art galleries and archives: Put on an exhibition; hold a history workshop; arrange a public talk.

5. Libraries: Put on a display of books and pictures (eg a photographic exhibition of past local pride events from the 1970s to present day).

6. Theatres, arts centres, dramatic societies and music groups: Put on a play, performance or reading by or about a celebrated LGBT writer, composer or artist; organise a poetry, short story or art competition with an LGBT theme.

7. Film clubs and independent cinemas: Show a film with an LGBT theme or with gay film stars; or lay on a whole month-long season.

8. Local newspapers: Run a special feature on local gay history - the local gay scene from 70s to today; interviews with LGBT publicans and local LGBTs aged 17 - 70yrs!

9. Every closet in the land: Start clearing out your own gay closets! Keep a queer eye trained for any interesting badges, photos, banners, leaflets, posters, newspapers, mags, books or campaign T-shirts - making clear and detailed records of their history if known, informing the LGBT Hall Carpenter Archive of any real gems so they might be kept safe and accessible to posterity. Note: If you dig up any LGBT gems in your attic or closet, call the Hall-Carpenter Hotline NOW on: 0207 955 7223.

10. Every closet designer: Design, then display or photocopy and distribute an LGBT History Month poster or flyer, listing the names of dozens – nay hundreds - of prominent historical queer figures. Put it up - in your classroom, common room, youth hut, church hall, library, work kitchen or notice board; get it read out at a school assembly or other public gathering; use it at A4 size as a hand-out, perhaps to prompt discussion at a group or meeting, or as an insert in a work/school/college magazine. Leave a stack lying around for people to pick up and chat about!

For further suggestions, resources and the chance to promote your own LGBT History Month activity, or to share your creative ideas, visit: www.lgbthistorymonth.org.uk
Adrian Gillan

Get talked by Nutty Neighbour into doing a sponsored “same-sex hand-hold”, through Soho and out into the “big wide world” – asking a pound for every fifty yards we make: a spin-off from the increasingly celebrated “A Day In Hand” (http://www.adayinhand.com/) same-sex hand-holding campaign whereby same-sex couples and friends are encouraged to hold hands in public to support the visibility of LGBT people, thereby changing attitudes and advancing human rights. Get as far as the Strand – taking in a few gay bars en route to drum up extra cash, and courage – but bottle it outside Superdrug… not because of any mean manly mob in tow, but at the very thought that anyone, not least anyone I might know or half-know, might possibly think Nutty and I were a real item!

Lunch with lesbian sister Kerry, just out of a long-stay East End detox clinic, now throwing her increasingly considerable womanly weight – or, more strictly, that of her sporadically appearing lesbian organ, Lesbian And Bisexual Stimulation (L.A.B.S. for short) – behind an ongoing Stonewall campaign, urging lavender ladies to “Love Your Inner Lesbian”. Seemingly in love with little else, “big sis” prattles on about the joys of facial hair and feminine odours - knocking back the beers! The poster campaign, in surgeries and healthcare centres, actually aims to encourage lesbian and bisexual women to take better care of themselves; and to be more open with their doctor about their healthcare needs, in order to receive better care – not least around issues such as smear testing, lesbian parenting, mental health and… alcoholism!

Dropping little Toby off at Sue’s, after an exhausting day out at London Zoo, notice copy of Pregnant Pause (www.stonewall.org.uk/pregnant_pause) - Stonewall’s new free plain-English guide for lesbians considering starting a family - sprawled open on her coffee table. If she wants a little sibling for my boy she can use some anonymous, “fatherless” (until offspring 18) sperm from a clinic, she’ll not get another drop out of me.

Hectic Switchboard stint – mainly callers anxious about their drink and drug habits, still going strong but no Xmas to excuse. Also a few who dropped their sexual guard with the booze. Plus some who have just felt plain lonely throughout the “season of goodwill”. At the risk of putting myself out of business, refer several to Terrence Higgins Trust’s new “Connect Online Counselling” (www.tht.org.uk/online-counselling) - a new service for the LGBT community nationwide, aiming to give people the chance to explore difficulties or challenges in their lives, make sense of experiences and find solutions or coping mechanisms.

Bump into Inge, for the first time in ages, who claims he’s now working at the recently opened Gay Tourist Office London (http://www.gaytouristoffice.co.uk/), the UK’s first centre for LGBT tourists, based in Soho, at 30 Lisle Street, WC2H, above Ku Bar, and open Mon-Sat, 12pm-6pm - which, I assume, still leaves Inge his nights free to pick up punters, to supplement his income in his accustomed tax-free way. Give my love to Em ‘n not-so-little Sven!

Hot and sweaty after cycle in to Mon morn mews meet, where Karl ‘n Kev are clearing up after one of Boss’ newly neutered male burmans has gone – understandably, at the discovery – completely berserk. Boss’ latest big marketing idea is to piggyback in on the tails of a new study that claims to show LGB people are most likely opting not to join particular professions - such as teaching, the police and army - for fear of homophobia. She wants a campaign - PR and advertising - to recruit new members from such jobs, in the name of human rights and solidarity!

Fun informal Circa meet at our bishop member’s home in Putney. Josh ‘n Karl, Charlie ‘n Boy all present – the latter duo drumming up business, and going down a storm, amongst the numerous clergy guests. Strangely tire of all the usual celebrity gossip flying around, and find self chatting, instead, to a police member, who gives some timely advice about staying safe in the party season when, he says, many of us are most vulnerable to attack, theft or sexual assault. His top tips: don’t let alcohol affect your judgment; don’t flaunt valuables, leave them at home; make sure you and your friends look after each other and get home safely; and be safe on the streets, walking tall and looking purposeful!

Use weekly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to ask: should safer sex campaigns be harder-hitting? A recent poll found that over a third (36%) of gay men think harder-hitting HIV campaigns, specifically depicting the realities of living with HIV, would be more effective than current activity in getting people to engage in safer sex. Only 4% thought this would stigmatise positive people; or dissuade gay men from testing.

Amused and bemused, lying in bed with Mous ‘n Cous, pawing papers over coffee one morn. Read that hunky 25-year old PE teacher Sam Handley has had to resign from boys-only Harvey Grammar School, in Folkestone - after pupils allegedly discovered pictures of him posing naked, with full erections, on a gay porn site. When quizzed about the images by The Sun, Handley denied they were pornographic, adding “I was just holding it”.

Flee due south, month end, to another of those eternally warm volcanic Atlantic Spanish island idylls! It might not be the biggest Canary – it’s second to Tenerife on that count – but Fuerteventura is definitely the longest, measuring 60 miles from Corralejo in the north to Punta de Jandia in the south; and is just 8 miles south of neighbouring Lanzarote and scarce 60 miles west of the West African coast. Invaded by Spain six centuries ago, Fuerteventura’s current 80,000-strong resident population has become increasingly dwarfed, since the 1970s, by an invasion of tourists seeking its year-round warmth and sunshine - plus cooling, steady breezes, so perfect for wind- and water-sports. This influx has brought a degree of financial security, plus the odd maverick call for independence from the motherland

Yet another World AIDS Day (1 Dec, http://www.worldaidsday.org/). 33 million people living with HIV worldwide, 80,000 of them lucky enough to live in the UK and have access to effective treatment. As for the rest? Well, the world’s largest drugs company, GlaxoSmithKline, has just been asked to pool its patents for HIV medication by Unicef, amongst others – thereby allegedly saving millions of lives in developing countries.

Hounded by numerous calls from Nutty Neighbour this month – asking if I’m alright, if I’d like to meet up, what I want for Xmas etc etc. Transpires he’s shut his infamous “hole” and is now “flexing his friendship muscles” – recently back from a free 1-day GMFA Friendship Course (www.gmfa.org.uk/national), which aims to help gay men better understand what they want and need from their platonic, non-sexual relationships. Flattered I’m sure, but it’s starting to do my head in.

Roll up in Circa-branded Porsche to mid-month Mon morn mews meet, only to find a sweaty Kev ‘n Josh slumped over PCs, and a Boss scowling even more than her blessed flanking Burmans. Emerges Circa’s “going green big-time”, and we’re “throwing our queer weight” behind the “10:10” campaign (http://www.1010uk.org/) to cut Britain’s carbon emissions by 10% in 2010. According to veteran gay rights campaigner and Green Party parliamentary candidate Peter Tatchell: “By reducing our energy consumption by a tenth, ‘pink power’ can help save the planet. There is not much point campaigning for LGBT human rights unless we have a habitable planet on which to enjoy them.” Boss snatches away car keys, simultaneously pointing out of the window to a rack of shiny new Circa-branded bicycles, with matching branded ankle clips, doubtless to help protect all our Savile Row suits. Hence Kev ‘n Josh having worked up a sweat en route into work this morning, Josh actually looking quite ill; and hence Boss telling me to “get on yer bike” to “spread the brand”, not least at the next meeting of CycleOut London (http://www.cycleout.org.uk/) - a gay cycling club with a programme of events centred on London and South East England. In this wintry weather?!?

Fun informal pre-Xmas Circa meet hosted at a member’s in Streatham who runs a dog-walking-and-sitting business – very lucrative, but his garden’s crammed with three dozen barking canines, the whole place stinking, frankly, of dog. Charlie ‘n Boy trolling for business as usual. No sign of Inge - Em says his not-so-wee Sven’s not seen him for months either. Our resident tabloid hack’s on fire, brimming with tittle-tattle. When an unnamed fan stripped to his pants during a recent film festival - shouting: “I am gay, George. Take me, choose me, George, please. May I kiss you, just once?” – mega-star George Clooney’s apparent hilariously deadpan retort was, “It’s hard when you take a big chance and it doesn’t really work”… his classy charm contrasting, rather, with our very own dubiously-talented Jordan (a.k.a. Katie Price) who reportedly recently ruined the civil partnership of some make-up artist friends by telling fellow guests “you’re all c***s”, before mounting a karaoke platform - from which she subsequently mimed.

Switchboard always busy on Crimbo run-up. With party upon party, many LGBTs increasingly realise they’re not adequately in control of their drink- or drug-taking, or their sex lives – incidentally, discover Nutty’s given up his friendship lark, reopening his “hole”, very busy. Thankfully, Terrence Higgins Trust (http://www.tht.org.uk/) has launched two new courses of group workshops for gay men in London – one for those who feel they are losing control when it comes to drugs or alcohol; the other for those who feel they behave compulsively or addictively re sex. Make lots of referrals.

So affected by hectic Switchboard stints, use monthly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to challenge LGBTs to try to take more responsibility for their own health and wellbeing. At risk of sounding tad right-wing, and drawing upon experiences with my own drunken sister, Kerrie, I say – whatever challenges life throws at us - our drink ‘n drug intake is, ultimately, down to us. Draw upon recent research suggesting a third (33%) of Brighton’s LGBT population have used cannabis with 1 in 5 (22%) having taken cocaine and a quarter (24%) ecstasy. The national averages for these illegal drugs are 8%, 2.4% and 1.6% respectively.

Loll in bed with Mous ‘n Cous one morn post exhausting Xmas shopping spree, pawing papers. Amused to read that a 4-month old Chihuahua with pink earrings was allegedly snatched from a Fort Lauderdale gay bar by a man with “Britney Spears” tattooed on either his arm or neck. 48-year old owner Brian Dortort has spent weeks trying to track down his beloved pooch, one “Hudson Hayward Hemingway”, described as “light-cream coloured with a pink belly, pink ears and pink earrings”. Also spy that UK farmer Richard Fonge - of Hurst Farm, near Kenilworth - has felled trees, put up a fence and deployed a dozen pigs to try to stop gay men from allegedly meeting on his land for sex, feisty Fonge telling local press: “I’m not homophobic, I just don’t like trespassers. And police don’t want to know.”

At last: Xmas! Shut up the Soho pad; put Mous ‘n Cous into a high-end gay cattery in Hoxton (can view them 24/7 via live webcam); and – after quickly whizzing still-toddling son Toby round on new Circa bike, to get his prezzies, before dropping him back off with Sue – meet ma at Gatwick to jet off for some winter sun in largest Balearic, Mallorca… much classier at this time of year, minus drunken hoards. It bore the likes of Rafael Nadal - so it’s unlikely to bore you! Romans conquered indigenous settlers, only to themselves be ousted by Moors, trailed by Christians and Spaniards, then the mass-market package holiday brigade plus, increasingly, discerning queers, after year-round warmth but a more local, authentic scene than the in-your-face global gathering on nearby Ibiza.

Prone to excess? Terrence Higgins Trust’s Gordon Mundie - on how to start claiming back control of one’s drug or alcohol intake; and how a series of workshops might just help.

At THT, we regularly see men concerned about their drink or drug use. For some reason they feel that they have lost control. Alcohol, ketamine, cannabis and cocaine seem to be most commonly used, but we also see men in our drug and alcohol group who feel they have problems with Crystal Meth and GHB.

Some have been using one drug or another most of their adult lives.

The most important early step is for the person themselves to establish why they feel they have a problem. It’s not for me, or anyone else, to decide this for them.

We tend to see men when they’re asking questions like:
• Isn’t there more to life? Why can’t I break this cycle?
• How come my friends can control their drinking or drug-taking but I struggle with mine?
• Is there another “gay life” besides the scene?
• If I make changes, what will fill the felt emptiness left behind?

Basically, after years spent doing the same thing, many men are left asking if it’s time for a change.

For some, their first - and maybe only - experience of gay life is the bright lights and sexual playground of the scene. Alternatives can seem hard to imagine, or just plain boring - especially if you feel controlled by a habit that’s getting hard to kick. A social life revolving around the gay scene - plus friends who don’t understand what the problem is - just adds to the shame and guilt.

Sexual issues often go hand-in-hand with an escalating drug and/or alcohol problem, with a big knock-on effect. In the group, we look at worries about drink or drugs in the wider context, including how they impact on jobs, relationships and health. Drugs or drink might also be helping to blot out things people would rather not face up to, such as feelings about being gay, family and childhood, getting older or dealing with HIV.

Men can be scared that, if they ask for our help, they’ll be instructed to give up the booze or drugs. Our service is actually about giving men choices - providing a safe, non-judgmental and supportive space to explore drinking or drug-taking with people who know the score. It’s up to the individual to then decide whether the next step for them is cutting down; getting more control over how much they use; or stopping completely.

Terrence Higgins Trust’s drugs/alcohol group is called ‘Are you losing control?’. For more information call 020 7812 1773 or email groupworklondon@tht.org.uk

Nutty Neighbour says Inge’s headed off up to Liverpool to star in a one-man fringe event at Homotopia (1 - 30 November 2009, http://www.homotopia.net/), Merseyside’s very own annual queer culture fest. Turns out to be so much “fringe” it’s officially “banned”: basically an hour-long tour-de-force striptease, called Man in All His Glory, managed and promoted-to-the-hilt by none other than Charlie and the Boy. Doing a storming trade, apparently! Doubtless duly aroused, Nutty shuts up “hole” one night, and drags me along to a promising sounding local social group called 4Play, only to discover it’s actually a London-based LGBT squash group (http://www.4playsquash.org/), this very month hosting its annual International Gay & Lesbian Squash Tournament! Thrilling!

Mum says sister Kerrie, perhaps aping Inge, has also launched herself in a fringe solo show – linked to London’s own GFest gayWise LGBT Arts Festival (9 - 22 November 2009, http://www.gaywisefestival.org.uk/). Her offering – Nude Female On Empty Stage – has apparently had some lesbian mags in raptures. I do despair, sometimes! All this LGBT obsession with sex and nudity! Surely, aren’t ubiquitous portrayals of the “body beautiful” in much gay media and culture at least as damaging as those silly camp little LGBT stereotypes still purveyed by the mainstream?

Boss’ latest “big idea”, at one Monday morning mews meet, is to do a fresh promotional blitz amongst off-line social groups, so they are aware of the joys of Circa – both on- and off-line. Kev is tasked with honing in on the capital’s numerous good-old-fashioned, in-the-flesh, non-special-interest local gay social groups - set-ups like Croydon Area Gay Society (http://www.cags.org.uk/); Ealing Gay Group (http://www.ealinggaygroup.org.uk/); North West London Lesbian & Gay Group (http://www.nwlgay.com/); Octopus, East London (http://www.octopusgroup.org.uk/); South London Gays (www.slago.org.uk/slg/); and Southwark LGBT Network (http://www.southwark-lgbt.org/) - before moving onto other, more niche, social groups qua youth, university, health, disability, religion, activity, sport, culture or sundry specialist interest!

Wear Circa hat to an event promoting Terrence Higgins Trust’s ongoing campaign urging gay men to “Act Fast” with PEP (post exposure prophylaxis) - the month-long course of HIV treatment that may prevent HIV infection after the virus has entered the body, if administered within 72 hours of entry. Half of gay men have still never heard of PEP, which can cause side effects including diahorrea, nausea and severe headaches and so is clearly not a substitute for transmission prevention via condoms. Gay and bi men can find out more by visiting www.gmfa.org.uk/pep or calling helpline 0207 998 4161.

Hook up with doting couple Joshua ‘n Karl at fun informal Circa meet at an art dealer member’s in Clapham. Huge house, brimming with male nudes - be they oil, pastel or bronze. Knowledgeable host holds court on the gay Old Masters. Says speculation into sexuality of Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) started, naturally enough, after his arrest, aged 24, on charges of sodomy – deemed an especially heinous crime in 15th Century Florence. Thankfully for him, charges were dropped when no witnesses materialised to support allegations he’d romped with his 17-year old male model. Michelangelo’s (1475 - 1564) sonnets’ homoeroticism was obscured when first posthumously published, with pronoun genders changed – only reclaimed when more truthfully translated into English, in Victorian times. And scant direct evidence of Caravaggio’s (1571 - 1610) sexuality survives, yet remarks made by contemporaries, and his undoubtedly high-impact representations of male eroticism, have fuelled obvious conjecture.

Busy stint on Switchboard, mid-month – seemingly mainly handing out advice to those recently diagnosed with HIV. Things like: don’t be too hard on yourself; understand HIV so you can take control of your health and treatment; work out who you trust before disclosing your status; talk to people who have already walked in your shoes; get to know your clinic; still enjoy sex, albeit safely; eat a well-balanced diet; get some exercise; and check out www.tht.org.uk/whatnext

All fired up for Circa-branded Capital Queer column this month. Gay rights group ILGA-Europe has created a new map (downloadable at http://www.ilga-europe.org/) illustrating the legal situation for LGBTs throughout our own continent. Alarmingly, 2 countries (Greece & Cyprus) and 2 territories (Gibraltar & Guernsey) still have unequal age-of-consent laws for male-male sex; 1 territory (North Cyprus) still bans gay-male sex altogether; and 8 European nations have regularly banned Pride or other public gay events over the past 10 years - Belarus, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Moldova, Poland, Russia and Ukraine.

Bemused and shocked in equal measure, sifting papers one Sunday morn, lolling in bed with Mous ‘n Cous. Read that Reverend James Tallach, of the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland, has blamed a tornado that recently hit the Isle of Lewis, in the Outer Hebrides, on the first ever civil partnership ceremony held there; and on the commencement of Sunday ferry services connecting the island with the mainland!

End up grinning wider than a Cheshire cat in historic, and surprisingly queer, Chester, month end. Hugging the North Wales border, Chester is one of England’s most historic towns - with significant remains dating back to Roman times, contrasting most pleasantly with its present-day roaming hoards of hot young boyish cuties. Indeed, this wonderfully walkable city is crammed with things to do and see, including its unique and famous well-nigh complete City Walls, with their “Wishing Steps”; the canal and locks; The Rows (two-tier shopping galleries dating from the Middle Ages); the Cathedral; Roman Ampitheatre and Roman Gardens; historic Roodee racecourse; and even the second-most-photographed clock in Britain after Big Ben - the Eastgate Clock. Take a river cruise on a ChesterBoat, up and down the River Dee, beneath the Suspension Bridge, past Grosvenor Park and The Groves, following the long sweep of The Meadows. The student-thronging gay scene is clustered neatly in or near the Old Town centre – places like the Liverpool Arms and Bar 6T9. Gents also oft take airs along the section of the City Walls due north east of the Cathedral - plus adjoining small triangular wooded area hemmed in by canal, walls and car park. As ever, beware!

Love-birds Josh ‘n Karl are trying to recruit me - not to the concept of soppy romance; but to join them in signing up as part of the first ever same-sex hand-holding relay team, to walk right the way across London, during the 2012 London Games Open Weekend and 2012 Cultural Olympiad. A Day In Hand (http://www.adayinhand.com/) campaign founder, David Watkins, claims, “One same-sex couple holding hands publicly can challenge attitudes and stereotypes - and is worth a thousand pride parades.” And he seeks more volunteers. You can be single, even straight - just be prepared to hold someone’s hand of the same-sex for anything between 1 minute and 1 hour. Wonder if my holding little Toby’s hand would count, albeit just for a couple of hundred metres or so?

Nutty Neighbour says he wants to take me to Ishigaki (http://www.ishigaki.org.uk/). So there I am - looking forward to being treated to a nice slap-up Japanese meal – when, instead, we arrive at an LGBT ju-jitsu club Ma phones to say Kerrie’s seemingly moved her banned-cum-bankrupt L.A.B.S. (Lesbian & Bisexual Stimulation) publication online. Find her via Google. Not bad. One piece on 53-year old Glaswegian-born Carol Ann Duffy CBE having been named as the new Poet Laureate - the first woman thus appointed in the post’s 341-year history; and its first lesbian. Plus another interview, on 96-year old Caroline Leto and 97-year old Venera Magazzu who have just celebrated their 70th anniversary, having first met at a party, way back in 1939.

Boss all in a fluster at one Monday morn mews meet. Now slumped behind his PC screen, Kev had innocently let slip that Inge’s won a slot on Trafalgar Square’s Fourth Plinth - for an hour as part of Antony Gormley’s rolling One & Other exhibition; and now – before you can say “Burman” – the cat’s out of the bag; and Boss is practically frothing at the mouth planning how this can be used to Circa’s publicity advantage… doubtless inspired by exhibitionist-activist-cum-artist Eric Page having spent part of his hour, recently, wearing a “THIVK you’re still negative?” T-shirt - to raise awareness of Terrence Higgins Trust’s campaign to get more gay men HIV-testing. She enters a paroxysm of purring and smarting hisses when I merely point out that Eric mainly grabbed headlines for stripping off all his clothes!

Lots of callers keen to quit smoking, on Switchboard stint, mid-month. About 40% of gay men smoke, compared to 23% of hetero guys. Refer them to GMFA’s excellent new website (www.gmfa.org.uk/quitsmoking) - lots of tips like… think about your reasons for quitting; set a quit date; avoid smoking situations; join a GMFA quit group (www.gmfa.org.uk/quit); replace the nicotine; try drugs; get support; think of yourself as a non-smoker; and – obviously - keep at it!

Fun informal Circa do at undertaker member’s in Chiswick. Charlie and Boy, as ever, trolling for biz – also overhear them grilling our tabloid hack member as to best ways to make money from kiss-and-tells. Watch this space, methinks! Hack full of other tit-bits too. Apparently, dishy boy band Blue’s Duncan James – who has been linked to a string of female celebrities and who even has a young daughter by ex-girl friend, Claire Granger – has come out as a bisexual: just ahead of the group’s comeback tour!

Spoilt for choice re topic for Circa-branded Capital Queer column. Toy with the case of a male-born trans woman - desperate to put in the two years “living as a woman” required in order to get her gender reassignment surgery – who claims that the refusal to move her to a women’s prison, where this is more feasible, is a violation of her human rights… despite currently serving life for strangling her boyfriend; and the attempted rape of a shop assistant! Opt instead for case of 28-year old special constable Steven Ponder and his partner, 48-year old constable Ivan Sigston, from Southampton, who have – not uncontroversially - used Ponder’s 31-year old sister to gave birth to a boy, using Sigston’s sperm. The pair must now formally adopt baby William as only the mother’s name has been stated on the birth certificate. Said a friend: “Many people will not approve but this was an arrangement between three consenting adults.”

Amused in bed, trolling papers with Mous ‘n Cous, one morn. The Sun reports that – whilst the Ukraine government has completely banned the movie - Universal Studios claims Buckingham Palace has ordered a copy of Brüno, the controversial film about an outrageous gay Austrian journalist: allegedly to show at a private screening at Balmoral, where HM Queen and Prince Phillip are due to be the next guests. Meantime, the Vatican has seemingly praised the work of openly-gay wit and dramatist Oscar Wilde, despite previously denouncing him as immoral. The L’Osservatore Romano newspaper, widely seen as the Pope’s official “organ”, claims Wilde – who served two years’ hard labour for “gross indecency” but converted to Catholicism on his deathbed - was “always looking for the beautiful and the good, and also for a God”.

Get away for a few days, month end, to hunt down horny Herrs in lesser known Germanic gem, Nuremberg! The ½-million-populated city lies in southern Germany, halfway between Frankfurt and Munich - Bavaria’s second economic centre, after the latter. Albeit largely rebuilt after WW2, no other German town has so many traces of the Medieval, innovations during which period – such as the first globe and the portable clock – rightly won Nuremberg the nickname, “Quick-Witted City”. It was also a centre for craftsmanship; and home to the great artist, Albrecht Dürer. After an economic slump in the 18th Century, the 19th Century saw Nuremberg became the “industrial heart of Bavaria”, a status it maintained until the onset of World War II, when Adolf Hitler chose it as the site for the “Reichsparteitage” (Empire Party Rallies); and the Allies as the site for ensuing War Trials.

GMFA’s Matthew Hodson gives his Top 10 Tips on how to quit cigarettes.Gay men are more likely to start smoking earlier, and to carry on smoking for longer, than our heterosexual brothers. About 40% of gay men smoke, compared to 23% of heterosexual guys.

Most people who smoke want to stop, but quitting can be tough, so here are some tips to help you stub out that bad habit for good.

1. Think about your reasons for quitting

There are lots of good reasons for stopping smoking: your health, your finances, the state of your teeth, the smell etc. Focus on what motivates you to quit.

2. Set a quit date

Make it a day when you don’t have any parties to go to, or work or family-related stress to deal with. Give yourself the opportunity to seek support and prepare for a positive change.

3. Avoid smoking situations

If you know that you always smoke when you drink, or when you hang out with certain friends, avoid those situations, at least until you’ve got over the cravings.

4. Join a GMFA quit group

I myself did GMFA’s stop smoking course and managed to end a 20 year (ouch!) habit. Our course is rated “excellent” by the NHS, and has a higher-than-average success rate. Plus you get to quit in the company of other gay men, which can make it that much more interesting… If that doesn’t appeal, there are plenty of mixed sexuality groups too. Your GP will be able to tell you where to find one.

5. Replace the nicotine

It’s the nicotine that makes smoking so addictive, but the nicotine itself isn’t harmful. Using patches, gum or one of the other nicotine replacement solutions can help you get through the withdrawal.

6. Try drugs

No, not that kind, that won’t help. You can get Champix or Zyban on prescription and both of these have high success rates in helping people to quit.

7. Get support

Tell people that you’ve stopped and ask them to support you. It can make all the difference - and they’ll understand when you’re cranky.

8. Think of yourself as a non-smoker

So long as you think of yourself as a smoker, you’re likely to fail. Rid your house of all your smoking junk: ashtrays, lighters etc. And imagine yourself in 10 years time - as a happier, healthier non-smoker.

9. Keep at it

If you slip up and have a cigarette, or even a pack, don’t give up. If you learn from the experience rather than feeling bad, you’re less likely to slip up again.

10. No really, keep at it

If you’ve fallen right back into your old habit, take time to think and, when you’re sure you’re committed to giving up again, choose a new quit date. Consider using a different strategy: if you didn’t access any support, go on a course; if you tried patches, try Champix. The more you try, the more likely you are to succeed. Don’t quit on quitting.

To book yourself on a GMFA stop smoking course, call 020 7738 3712 or visit www.gmfa.org.uk/quit. For more information and advice about quitting visit www.gmfa.org.uk/quitsmoking.

Pop back to Chelmsford to join mum at our by-now-annual ritual of attending Essex Pride (www.essexpride.org.uk) - now in its 6th year, and too big for the towns gay venues to contain, so its now spilled out into Central Park! Entry to the community areas free of charge; and its just a 5 wristband to infiltrate the over-18s bar and cabaret marquee. Lots of young guns from the sixth forms of local schools nothing like this way back in my day, I muse! Trip only mildly marred by Sue not letting me take my little Toby along, she claiming Essex Pride was a contradiction in terms; and by sis Kerry showing up late, wrecked, only to herself wreck the tiny little lesbian marquee, before cavorting naked through the city centre, some of the more impressionable young lesbians in tow - much to the joy of the local newspaper, mum later said.

Nutty Neighbour fails to lure me along to a try dive event for absolute beginners at somewhat alarmingly-named GLUG (Gay & Lesbian Underwater Group, www.glug.co.uk), a non-profit scuba diving club for LGBTs and their friends including a few straight divers who allegedly find the club a refreshing change from the somewhat macho, hetero-male environment found in many other scuba clubs. We agree, instead, on GOC (Gay Outdoor Club, www.goc.org.uk) which has - for the past 30 years - been providing a wide range of predominantly open-air sports and recreational activities for LGBTs and co, including walking, cycling, biking, canoeing, caving, climbing, mountaineering, skiing and swimming. GOC now boasts 1,500+ members, including quite a few fresh-faced young hotties. Very bracing!

One weekly Monday morning mews meet gets especially animated when Kev brings along Inges not-so-little son, Sven Thunderclapper: since Em frankly - needed a break, and childcares so pricy these days. Boss far from amused - not least when the tear-away toddler knots two of her blessed Burmans tails together, the formerly purring pair then proceeding to well nigh tear each other to shreds.

Usual crowd at informal Circa do at judges in Hampstead. Ever doting couple Josh n Karl soak up the high celeb calibre dose being administered in one corner by out resident tabloid hack: apparently, Michael Jacksons unofficial biographer claims the late megastar was gay, and to have identified at least two of his former male lovers - one a Hollywood waiter, the other an aspiring actor. In another corner, Charlie, Boy n Inge as ever, trolling for trade are strangely left well alone: I later gather, at our legal hosts behest he seemingly being on edge on hearing his colleague, 60-year old senior Welsh circuit court judge, Gerald Price QC - who reportedly had a 9-month relationship with a 25-year old sex worker, letting him sit in court and have sight of confidential documents - has been formally suspended, pending the results of an investigation. The opportunistic escort even phoned Prices wife to tell her of the relationship - before spilling his beans to the News of the World, for an undisclosed sum.

Busy Switchboard stint, mid-month. Seem to spend half my time suggesting callers get themselves tested for HIV, in which task Im thankfully aided by a new campaign by Terrence Higgins Trust, to reduce levels of undiagnosed HIV, by encouraging gay men - particularly younger gay men - to start regularly attending sexual health clinics. Key campaign messages include: 9 out of 10 gay men whove used a sexual health clinic would recommend it; sexual health clinics keep your details confidential - they arent shared with anyone, even your GP; you can use any clinic in the UK, not just the nearest one; tests and treatments are free for everyone no matter how long youve lived in Britain; you dont need your doctor to send you to a clinic, but you can go with a friend if you wish; and, if you have symptoms, say so - you should be seen sooner. For info on their nearest sexual health clinic, I bid callers call THT Direct on 0845 12 21 200; or visit www.betterclinics.co.uk

Use my weekly Circa-branded Capital Queer column to discus the Pink Papers being forced, like its stable-mate AXM magazine previously, to suspend print production due to the economic downturn - instead, continuing online at PinkPaper.com and through its weekly e-newsletter, Pink Paper Xtra. Elsewhere, the New York Blade - one of two major gay and lesbian newspapers in New York City - has also suspended publication. Part of a trend, I punt?

Very nearly pop down the gym - for the first time in months. But find self engrossed in my habitual lie-in-troll of mags, assisted by that perpetually paper pawing pair, Mous n Cous. Read that The Queen has apparently endorsed a homophobic church faction by sending two letters of support to the devoutly anti-gay Fellowship of Confessing Anglicans, Peter Tatchell commenting, “The Queen has insulted lesbian and gay people and breached royal protocol by embroiling herself in an issue of religious and political controversy; and also spy that lesbian couples can now purchase a Spanish holiday package that includes not only a marriage ceremony and built-in honeymoon but insemination treatment too!

Manage to get away across the Atlantic for a few days, month end. Born out of Canadas own Wild West - where outlaws, traders and trappers moved amongst local tribes before the British Empire took hold, naming the province after Victoria and Alberts daughter Alberta has emerged from its Mounty-tamed past to become tourist-beckoning home to the majestic Canadian Rockies, readily reached from the oil-and-money boom high-rise that is Calgary: itself crammed with a third of Albertas 3 million-strong population and dubbed Cowtown - Canadas answer to Dallas! By contrast, as you leave scraper-brimming Calgary, the horizon unfolds and then soon lifts you thousands of metres via the hilly Kananaskis foothills where they shot Brokeback Mountain - way up into the peaks and lakes above 3000m!

ts you thousands of metres via the hilly Kananaskis foothills where they shot Brokeback Mountain - way up into the peaks and lakes above 3000m!