With Mother’s Day this month (3 April), Adrian Gillan talks to gay men about that “special relationship” with their mums, after asking Jenny Broughton from FFLAG (Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) what she thinks.
“Gay sons are a bonus to their mums", assures Jenny Broughton of FFLAG (Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays), the proud mother of a lesbian herself and agony aunt to thousands of anxious mamas and papas over now decades.
“It’s not mere cliché that gay men are especially close to their mothers,” she contends. “Maybe it’s because gay men don't always have their own family unit and so stay closer to the birth family and not least their mother. But I’m not talking 'mummy's boy' here: gay sons are very much their own person.”
Relates she: “Gay men often come out to mothers before anyone else. Many fear their father's reaction so only come out to mum which can make it quite hard and isolating for her. Of course, mothers often know without you telling. I heard about a son aged forty six whose mother was desperate for him to come out to her. She’d known for years and didn't mind a bit but couldn't persuade him!”
“Come out to your mum on Mother's Day?” muses our Jenny. “I’ve never heard anyone do that! Christmas Day: yes. Birthdays and anniversaries: all the time. But Mother's Day?”
MUMMY’S BOYS?
Alan
“I spent more time with mum since dad was always at work,” casts back 54-year old architect Alan from the place formerly known as Rhodesia, now living in London. “When I came home from school she was always there. I talked to her for at least seven hours a day every day until I was sixteen. So we got close. I think we emulate the butch-fem aspects of our mothers and can switch between them. Hence our flexibility: socially, sexually and morally.”
Shares he: “I was out to her but she always hoped I'd find the woman she wanted me to marry. Like: doh! But what the hell would she have done to another woman in my life? Ah, but she could judge character: we both disliked the same people - intensely.”
“I'd have loved to have taken her out to a gay bar or club this Mother’s Day,” says Alan, “but she is no longer with us. A drunken night at The White Swan would have been fun! She would have pulled the gorgeous men way ahead of me!”
Ross
“Mothers tend to offer unconditional love,” claims baby-faced 40-year old web-marketeer Ross from Manchester, now living in London. “Anyone is going to feel close to someone offering that. Being born was the last time most gay men were inside a woman and they're happy to keep it that way, but it's still nice to know there’s someone somewhere in the world who can keep all your problems at bay with that smile and a cuppa.”
He continues: “And I think gay men tend to be particularly close to their mothers, maybe because they more readily identify with a straight woman rather than a straight man, and your mum is - unless she’s lesbian or bi - the straight woman you've known the longest.”
“I came out to my mum on the phone many years ago,” confides Ross. “I said: ‘I've got something to ask you.’ To which she replied: ‘I haven't got any money’. I then said: ‘No, it's not about money. You know I'm gay, don't you?’ And she said: ‘I do now.’ She took it fine: not as if she hadn't guessed anyway. Though she was worried about the fact I may suffer the fruits of homophobia.”
“Can’t recall ever taking my mum to a gay bar,” he admits. “Probably wouldn’t take her to The Hoist but wouldn't think twice about somewhere nice like The Yard in Soho. Don't think she'd react at all apart from to ogle the gorgeous guys. She's not really the bar type anyway. Mother’s Day? I phoned her up as usual, and sent a card - daren’t forget!”
|
